


I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm

by frapandfurious, squire



Series: Big Brothers AU [14]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, Couch Cuddles, Established Relationship, F/M, Intimacy, Kissing, Light Angst, Loneliness, M/M, Married Life, Romantic Fluff, Winter, seasonal depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 02:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17133029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frapandfurious/pseuds/frapandfurious, https://archiveofourown.org/users/squire/pseuds/squire
Summary: After five years of marriage they had plenty of practice being apart. They made time for each other when they could, and when they couldn't they were quick to forgive. This time was no different. They'd made a commitment after all, and what was missing one Christmas when they had a lifetime together?





	I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!!
> 
> This is a little something my brain cooked up for the holidays, as a present to anyone who reads this verse. It's vaguely Christmas-y but mostly just winter-y and so hopefully can be enjoyed regardless if you celebrate or not. :)
> 
> If you're reading just this story or all of them, if you're new to the verse or have been here since the beginning, THANK YOU so much for every kudos and comment and reblog and whatnot. It means so much to us that you enjoy these versions of the boys as much as we do.
> 
> Happy Holidays and lots of love,  
> -frap

“I'll see you next year,” Ben said with a smile and a wink, lingering by the door, bundled up for the cold weather with his duffle bag slung over one shoulder.

 

Hux rolled his eyes. “Oh, very clever.”

 

“What, I'm right.”

 

Technically he was. It was the first week of December and Ben was leaving with the Knights for a month-long tour of the east coast with a handful of other dance groups. He wouldn't be back until early January.

 

He would miss Christmas.

 

In spite of their constantly busy schedules, this would be the first Christmas since they started dating that they didn't spend at least part of together. And so when Ben was first approached about being part of the tour he was hesitant, but they agreed the opportunity was too big to pass up.

 

After five years of marriage they had plenty of practice being apart. Hux was excelling at work and had recently been promoted after being passed up the first time; the new position only made him work twice as hard to prove that he deserved it. Meanwhile the Knights of Ren had made a name for themselves in the dance community and were often away performing. Everything Ben and the guys worked and sacrificed for was finally happening.

 

Ben and the Knights had spent the better part of the last four months preparing for the tour, passing up gigs they might have taken otherwise. Often Ben was at the studio from dawn until dusk, and so some evenings Hux showed up with his laptop and did work there. It reminded him of their first years dating when he would bring his work to the Knights’ practices just to spend time getting to know Ben and his friends. Now, just like then, they found ways to steal precious moments together in whatever way they could.

 

It was how they operated: they made time for each other when they could, and when they couldn't they were quick to forgive. This time was no different. They'd made a commitment after all, and what was one Christmas when they had a lifetime together?

 

That logic didn't make saying goodbye any easier. The past year Hux left for a couple weeks here or a weekend there as his work required, but it had been a while since he'd been the one left behind.

 

_ Oh, well,  _ he thought,  _ at least they aren't flying so far this time _ . He shuddered involuntarily at the memories that thought stirred to the surface of his mind.  _ Though if Joey drives a rental they may all be in grave danger… _

 

“‘Tidge?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Mike texted. They're outside.” Ben shuffled his feet a little and glanced at the door then back to Hux. Up until now he'd valiantly tried to mask his sadness, but now it showed plainly on his face.

 

“Right.” Hux took a deep breath. “You have everything?”

 

Ben smiled fondly. “You helped me pack, so I know I do.”

 

“I'm not perfect, you know.”

 

“Could have fooled me…” Ben cupped his face, eyes looking right into his with an intensity that made Hux's breath catch. For a moment it looked as if he wanted to say something, but then his phone buzzed again and the moment passed.

 

“I gotta go…I'll miss you, babe.”

 

“I'll miss you too.” Hux prided himself on keeping his voice steady. “Text me. Call when you can. Be safe.” He kissed Ben to stop himself from going into all the specifics of  _ be safe _ . Ben could take care of himself.

 

Ben nodded along. “I will. You take care of yourself.” He opened the door halfway, stopped, stole another kiss. “And go to my parents’ for Christmas, ok? You have to report back to me on what my dad's up to.”

 

Hux laughed. “I will, I will.  _ Go _ before they send poor Riz up here. I love you.”

 

“Love you.”

 

Ben kissed him again, and again, snuck in one more for good measure, and then Hux gave him a gentle shove and he was gone.

 

Hux released his breath, staring at the shut door as the lingering feeling of Ben's lips on his faded.

 

Then he turned resolutely to the empty apartment, his brain already at work planning some tidying while he had the chance...

 

*

 

“You're a tall young man. Could you reach those paper towels on the top shelf for me?”

 

Hux peered down the aisle at the petite older woman pushing a buggy stuffed full of groceries. The basket hanging from Hux's right elbow had only a few items - tea, bread, lunch meat, some protein bars, and now coffee filters. Just essentials.

 

“Of course,” he obliged and stepped over to reach up with his left hand. He wondered absently how she got things from the top shelf when there were no conveniently placed  _ tall young men _ .

 

“Oh, you're married! Too bad, my granddaughter loves redheads.”

 

Hux sighed. He really wasn't in the mood for comments on his hair  _ or _ assumptions about his sexuality, but he also wasn't looking to waste his afternoon arguing with a stranger in the supermarket.

 

“How long?”

 

“Hm?” He set the pack of towels onto her pile.

 

“How long have you been married?” She repeated patiently.

 

“Five years,” Hux replied with no small amount of pride, as though challenging her to scoff at the number when compared to her own marriage.

 

“How nice! I'll bet you've got a lot planned for the holidays.”

 

“Actually, my...significant other is away this month. For work.”

 

“Oh, I see.” The sympathy in her tone felt laid on too thick. “Well, you know how it is. The honeymoon phase doesn't last forever. Priorities change.”

 

Hux bristled. “What do you mean?”

 

“My Harold did the same thing quite a lot before he retired. Went away on business, missed Christmas, a birthday or anniversary here and there. These things matter less as you get settled.”

 

“I'm afraid I don't know what you - “

 

“Don't let it worry you. All relationships hit a lull. But wouldn't that be a good New Year's resolution? Putting in the effort to spend more time together.”

 

Hux's fingers clenched tightly around the handle of his basket, the cool metal digging into his palm. He wasn't about to tell her Ben also wouldn't be home for the new year. He  _ was _ considering telling her where she could shove those paper towels…

 

“Well, I won't keep you. Thank you again for your help! And Merry Christmas!” She dug a crumpled grocery list out of her purse and meandered away.

 

Hux turned on his heel and headed in the opposite direction, toward the registers. Whatever else he planned to get could wait.

 

*

 

He very nearly slammed the door behind him on his return home. It was only years of practice controlling himself that prevented it.

 

_ Ben would have slammed it _ , he thought with bitter satisfaction. Hux wouldn't even scold him for it this time. Who did that woman think she was, anyway? She didn't know them, had no right to comment on the state of their marriage…

 

The walk home only served to worsen Hux's mood. So far December had been nothing but gray skies, freezing temperatures, dry air that left Hux's throat sore and hands cracking. Dull, cold, miserable.

 

If only he could say differently of their apartment. In Ben's absence Hux had cleaned and organized to his heart's content, safe in the knowledge it would last a while. The result, while a satisfying, clutter-free work environment, was more than a bit barren. Their photos and awards on the walls and shelves helped, but without the touch of disorder Ben brought to every room he entered, it felt more like staying in a well-kept AirBNB than his own home.

 

Normally this time of year the place would smell so strongly of pine it cleared Hux's sinuses whenever he entered the living room. Ben always insisted on a live tree and took it upon himself to freshen the water and trim dead branches so Hux had no reason to argue. He also hung mistletoe in every doorway, and took full advantage of it to steal kisses.

 

This year their decorations were packed away in the back of the hall closet. Hux never bothered with getting them out nor did he consider getting a tree or hanging mistletoe. What would be the point without Ben? And besides, he was busy.

 

_ Very _ busy, and deliberately so. It wasn't just Ben who was gone; Rey and Techie were still away at school, every waking moment spent preparing for finals. Even Phasma was away, doing who knows what.

 

Hux's work-life balance was precarious on a good week, entire days spent at the Academy, bringing work home on evenings and weekends, pulling all-nighters, but at least there  _ was _ a balance. There was Techie and Rey showing up uninvited to hang around their place, there were the Knights making Hux tag along for drinks after shows. There was Ben draping a blanket over his shoulders while he worked late into the night, leaving food for him to take in the morning, slipping love notes into his bag like a teenager.

 

The first week of Ben's absence Hux had maintained his usual routine out of habit. That was until the reality sunk in that there was no point being home at a reasonable time if it wasn't to go to the Knights’ practice, or in sleeping in on days off without a warm body beside him. He burned through his Netflix queue of documentaries, finished the book that had been sitting half-read on his nightstand for months, got all his Christmas shopping done.

 

By the end of the week he was left with nothing but the daunting expanse of aimless free time. Something he hadn't had for as long as he could remember.

 

It made him anxious. Idleness, time wasted, those were things his father trained him to loathe, to avoid at all costs. Only Techie and Ben could ever truly silence the voice that scolded him every time he took time for enjoyment or relaxation.

 

And so the balance shifted entirely in the favor of work. He threw himself into his projects with more vigor than ever, he spent less and less time in the empty apartment, he took on more than he probably should have but it was better than the emptiness that allowed his father's voice to creep in with cruel words of disappointment.

 

When he walked on the streets he dutifully ignored the ache in his chest at seeing couples hand-in-hand, families, groups of friends out enjoying the season together. He reminded himself that he  _ had _ all those things. Just...not at the moment.

 

At home late at night, the cold seemed to seep into his very bones. He turned up the heat, nevermind the bill that month, but no matter how toasty the small apartment became he could never quite shake the chill.

 

*

 

The unfortunate encounter with the woman in the grocery store happened only a few days before Christmas and was the last thing he needed when combined with the long, dreary, work-filled weeks he'd had. It set him on edge enough that that night he finally caved and slipped into not only one of Ben's t-shirts - his usual sleeping attire - but also one of his hoodies and even a pair of his soft cotton sleep pants, the drawstring tied as tight as it would go around his narrower hips.

 

_ This is pathetic _ , he berated himself as he settled into bed and pulled out his phone.

 

His heart dropped when he saw his only awaiting messages were work emails and a reminder about his upcoming dentist appointment. It was nearly midnight. Surely the Knights’ performance was over by now? Of course there was always the chance they went out for food and drinks after, but Ben would still have his phone, the  _ least _ he could do was send a reply...

 

As if on cue, a text popped in, and then three more, rapid fire. After a pause, there was a fifth. The knot in Hux's chest loosened a little as he opened the messages.

 

[11:44]  _ What a week. Every show was sold out!! We got invited out by one of the other groups, they're from here so they know the best places. _

[11:44]  _ I snuck back early though. The guys made fun of me but I'm tired and _

[11:44]  _ And I wanted to see if you were still up. We could Skype? Or just text? Whatever you want. Anyway Pete left too, he misses his fiancee, so they can just shove it. _

[11:44] “ _ Here” is Miami by the way. In a couple days we're in Baltimore. Not looking forward to that. 80 degrees to 30 in just a couple hours flight. And I heard it's supposed to snow there. _

[11:45] ❄❄❄❄❄

 

Hux reread the messages, considering how to reply. It wouldn't do to seem overly eager, Ben might let it go to his head. Or worse, he'd sense something off about Hux and worry about him.

 

It was late. He really should get to bed, but after the day he'd just had, the thought of just...hearing and seeing Ben for a little while was too tempting to resist.

 

Without so much as a reply text, he opened Skype and hit the little call icon next to Ben's name.

 

Never worried about seeming overly eager, Ben answered before the end of the second ring.

 

_ “Hey, babe! I'm so glad you're still up…” _

 

Ben was back in his hotel room, sprawled out on the bed. His long hair spilled across the pillow around his face and there were smudges of eyeliner under his eyes. He was shirtless, though on the screen Hux could only see his shoulders and collarbone. He was so  _ Ben _ just then, slightly disheveled yet disarmingly beautiful, and a pang of longing shot through Hux so sharp and sudden he couldn't respond right away.

 

Luckily, Ben was still talking, words spilling from him the way they always did when he was comfortably alone with Hux.

 

_ “I tried like four times to get away before they finally let me. Most of the guys in the other group are single, they don't get it, you know? They were surprised to find out I was married. Even more surprised to find out you were military. They all date artsy types.”  _ Ben's eyes gleamed, even while he looked so tired.  _ “They don't know what they're missing. There's nothing hotter than a man in uniform. Than  _ my  _ man in uniform anyway. _ ” A pause as he looked Hux over.  _ “Okay maybe one thing: you in my clothes. Is that my hoodie?” _

 

Hux cleared his throat. “Maybe.”

 

“ _ You only wear that when you're really cold. Are you cold? You should turn the heat up.” _

 

Hux couldn't bring himself to tell Ben that he had done so weeks ago, that the way he felt cold was a way that couldn't be fixed by all the blankets and thick socks in the world.

 

“I'll do that,” he said instead. “After this call. Tell me about your week?”

 

So Ben did, and Hux settled back against the pillows and tried to relax to the familiar cadence of Ben's voice.

 

Ben's story was interrupted by a big yawn.  _ “Ugh, sorry about that. Where was I?” _

 

“You should go to sleep,” Hux said, however reluctantly. If tomorrow was anything like Ben described his days so far, he'd be up early and busy until late.

 

_ “But I did all the talking,”  _ Ben argued, looking guilty. “ _ You didn't get to tell me about your week.” _

 

“No need,” Hux insisted. “It was a normal, uneventful week.”

 

_ “But ‘Tidge…” _

 

“No buts. You need rest. You don't have any performances on Christmas day, right?”

 

_ “No…” _

 

“I'll Skype you when I get home from your parents. We can talk all evening if you want.”

 

That at least made Ben smile.  _ “Okay. That sounds great. I'll have to see if I can get my hands on some mistletoe.” _

 

Hux made a face. “And then what, kiss your phone screen? Do you have any idea how much bacteria these things carry? One study says phone screens and computer keyboards are worse than toilet seats…”

 

Ben laughed until it was broken off by another big yawn.

 

_ “Hmmm. I miss you.” _

 

Something tightened right back up inside Hux's chest. “I miss you too.”

 

_ “I'm sorry again. That I'm missing the holidays.” _ He looked truly apologetic and Hux knew it must have been eating at him all this time.

 

“Ben, don't. We talked about this. It's alright. It's just one Christmas. We'll make up for it. I'm already working on freeing up a weekend in January. We can do something nice, just us.”

 

That seemed to cheer Ben a little.  _ “Okay. I'll start brainstorming.” _

 

“Me too.” Hux glanced at the time. 12:20. “Goodnight, Ben. Sleep well.”

 

_ “Night, ‘Tidge. I love you.” _

 

“I love you too.”

 

Heavy silence followed the little  _ blip _ of the call ending. The room was warm, but Hux shivered all the same. He burrowed deep under the blankets and tried to fall asleep. The faster the next few weeks went the better; he just wanted this whole season over with.

 

*

 

The Solo house at Christmas was the same as always - tree by the window, stockings on the mantel, the smell of freshly baked cookies, Han in the recliner scrolling through channels on the TV.

 

It was all the same, and yet all wrong. There was a stocking with Ben's name on it along with the rest, a sixth place made at the table, an ornament he'd crafted as a child on the tree, but no Ben.

 

Hux sat at what he now considered his spot on the long, worn couch in the Solos’ living room. Normally Ben would be beside him, already on his second glass of eggnog, telling stories of the Knights’ escapades or challenging his dad to a round of cards.

 

Rey and Techie sat at the other end, telling stories about school. The way they sat pressed side by side, finishing each other's sentences, being such a  _ couple _ , didn't help Hux's already glum mood. Han and Leia's bickering had the same effect, as did a brief visit from Ms. Kanata and Mr. Bacca. He felt like he was the only one not paired up that day.

 

Still. This was his family - his in-laws and his little brother - and the house was warm and comfortable and he had Skype tonight with Ben to look forward to. He tried to relax and enjoy what he could, even if it was hard when every little thing seemed to remind him what was missing.

 

“Han, find something else to watch,” Leia scolded. “Don't make me ask twice.”

 

“I don't see what's wrong with this.”

 

“You can watch Nascar any time. It's a holiday, find something, I don't know, festive.”

 

“Mom has a point.”

 

“Alright, alright. This festive enough for ya?”

 

Hux looked up from checking his phone to find Han had switched it over to the Hallmark channel, where some sappy holiday romance was just ending and another was about to start.

 

“Oh, yeah, keep it there!” Rey said excitedly. Techie raised an eyebrow.

 

“Since when do you like Hallmark movies?”

 

Rey was scrolling in search of something on her phone. “Since I found a Hallmark movie drinking game and I'm finally old enough to drink…here it is!”

 

Hux glanced at his empty glass. He'd only had the one so far; he was trying to pace himself, it was only mid-afternoon and he had to make it until after dinner and still be able to drive himself home. But if he was going to have to sit through a Hallmark movie  _ and _ Rey and Han trying to out-drink each other, a refill was in order.

 

“I'll be right back. Anyone need anything from the kitchen?”

 

“No thank you, dear,” Leia answered for the others, who were gathered around Rey's phone reading the list of criteria.

 

In the quiet of the kitchen, Hux took a moment to close his eyes and breathe. He couldn't seem to shake the lingering tension brought on by long work days, not enough sleep, too much coffee, and loneliness. But he wanted to, for the sake of the others, and so he resolved to go out there and put on a smile, enjoy himself.

 

As he was pouring his drink and contemplating stealing a cookie, the doorbell rang.

 

“Rey, would you get that?” he heard Leia say from the other room.

 

“Armie, can you get it?” Rey called to him, evidently still absorbed in working out the details of their game with Han and Techie. “What?” She added, this time to her mother. Hux could picture the disapproving look on Leia's face. “He's already up anyway.”

 

_ And  _ you're  _ closer to the front door _ , Hux wanted to retort, but he closed his eyes and bit it back. There was no point arguing, least of all with Rey. But he would definitely be stealing a cookie when he returned.

 

He abandoned his drink and trudged over to the front door.  _ Who the hell shows up uninvited on Christmas, anyway? _ Ms. Kanata and Mr. Bacca were the only people they were expecting, and they came and went over an hour ago.

 

“Can I help y - “

 

The word died in Hux's throat the moment his eyes landed on their visitor. The sudden cold breeze didn't even register, he was too stunned, because this couldn't be real…

 

Yet there Ben stood. He stuck out against the pale gray world like a puddle of ink, cloaked in a dark coat and scarf, black jeans and boots, a black knit hat pulled down to cover his ears, the ends of dark hair spilling out the bottom. The only skin showing was his face, the tip of his nose pink from the cold. His hands were shoved into his coat pockets and he was smiling, a bit sheepishly, a bit eagerly. In that moment he was the most beautiful thing Hux had ever seen. Even while his mind struggled to comprehend this development, his heart swelled with joy and relief.

 

“Um. Merry Christmas?”

 

Hux would later vehemently deny that he  _ threw himself _ at Ben.

 

But his body acted before his mind could catch up. Eyes blurring with sudden dampness, he stepped forward and reached out and Ben was there.

 

Hux had the advantage of being a step higher, easier to wrap his arms around Ben's shoulders with all his strength. Ben quickly gathered him up, hoisting Hux's legs to wrap around his waist, muttering  _ babe, you're just in socks _ but Hux couldn't care less. All he cared about was getting as close to his husband as possible.

 

Everything went blessedly silent, even the constant thrum of Hux's thoughts quieted if only for a moment. It was just the two of them in their own little world. Ben held him so, so tight swayed them gently side to side, his face buried in Hux's shoulder. He kept nuzzling against him as though he couldn't get close enough.

 

If Hux was paying attention he would have felt four pairs of eyes on them from the living room window, but all his focus was on feeling Ben solid and real and there in his arms even though it made no sense.

 

A shiver - Ben's or his own he wasn't sure - finally snapped them both back to the reality that was standing on the sidewalk outside in the cold. Slowly Hux loosened his grip just enough to peer down at Ben.

 

“How the hell are you  _ here _ ?” he asked breathlessly.

 

Ben beamed up at him, eyes a little red rimmed. “Can I tell you inside? It's freezing out here.”

 

Hux let Ben carry him back into the warm house before he released his vice-like grip and lowered himself to stand, smoothing down his sweater and clearing his throat in a futile attempt to gain back some of his composure.

 

Han, Leia, Rey and Techie had gathered in the entryway and no sooner had the front door closed than the questions and greeting and fussing began.

 

“Hi Ben!” He barely managed to get his coat off before his arms were full, double-teamed on either side by hugs from Rey and Techie. He laughed and squeezed them both; his coat slipped from his hands and was quickly caught by Hux who hung it up, moving on autopilot, still in a daze.

 

“What are you doing here?” Rey asked bluntly when she pulled away. Ben huffed.

 

“It's great to see you too, Rey,” he retorted. He released Techie and moved to hug his mother, then turned to Han, both hesitating before exchanging an awkward hug as well.

 

“Glad you could make it, kid,” Han said, patting Ben's shoulder.

 

“Shoes off,” Leia reminded him, earning another little huff.

 

“Yes, mom. Babe, could you - “

 

Hux was a step ahead of him, reaching to slip off his scarf and hat while Ben stepped out of his boots. The moment the hat was removed his hair sprung free into his face. Hux smoothed it back into place for him, earning a warm smile and a kiss on the cheek.

 

Leia herded them all into the living room to continue their reunion. Ben kept his arm around Hux's waist, unwilling to be separated for even a moment.

 

“Rey's got a point,” Han said once he'd plopped back down into a chair and picked up his drink. “Weren't you in Boston today?”

 

“Baltimore,” Ben corrected. He looked around sheepishly, all eyes on him. “Sorry I didn't tell anyone. It was kind of last minute. Yesterday Pete and I were moping around about missing our...families.” He gave Hux a meaningful little squeeze. “And we started joking, well, Baltimore is only about a four hour drive from here - “

 

“ _ Only?” _

 

“ - and we have the day off, so...then it turned from joking to planning. First thing this morning we rented a car and now here we are. Pete dropped me off, he's probably just getting to his fiancee's family now.”

 

“Wait,” Hux chimed in. “So you two didn't plan this?” He aimed the question at Rey and Techie, who had matching bewildered expressions.

 

“We're as surprised as you are,” Techie insisted.

 

“Yeah, this one is all Ben,” Rey added.

 

“Of course it is,” Han blurted out with a laugh. “Surprising us all on Christmas? That's a Solo move if I ever saw one!”

 

“It would be more of a Solo move if he drove all this way for a poker match,” Leia muttered.

 

“ _ Hey _ , I drove from all over the place to see you when we were dating!”

 

“You wouldn't have had to if you weren't away in the first place.”

 

Ben only paid half his attention to their antics, his gaze on Hux once more. Hux knew he should feel elated. This was everything he wanted, wasn't it? But the knot in his chest, the one he'd carried there all month, wouldn't go away. Something didn't add up, and he was determined to find out what.

 

“Hey Ben, we're playing a game,” Rey was saying. “You want in?”

 

“Yeah, sure. What's - “

 

“Before we get comfortable,” Hux jumped in, “He did just have a long drive. Ben, do you need to take a moment, maybe use the restroom.  _ Upstairs? _ ”

 

The message wasn't lost on Ben, who nodded and let Hux take his hand and lead him away.

 

Hux guided Ben to the guest room, formerly Ben's childhood bedroom. The moment the door clicked shut Ben turned to him, eager, expectant.

 

“You read my mind,” he whispered, stepping close, “I was hoping you'd - “

 

“Ah, ah,” Hux stopped Ben's approaching kiss with hands cupping his still cold cheeks. “First you tell me the rest.”

 

Ben blinked at him. “The rest?”

 

“The catch to you being here. There has to be one. Are you missing a performance? Did the Knights get removed from the lineup?”

 

“No. No, nothing like that. It's exactly like I said, Pete and I wanted to drive up so we did. We just have to leave first thing tomorrow to meet the others.”

 

“And...that's it?”

 

“That's it.” Ben tilted his head. “‘Tidge...why does there have to be a catch?”

 

The weeks of building weight on Hux's heart hit all at once and he sagged, his hands sliding down from Ben's face to his chest. He could feel his guard coming down the way it only could around Ben.

 

“Because it's too good to be true.”

 

It was, wasn't it? Did he actually get to have this, no guilt, no strings attached?

 

Ben was quiet but his eyes said so much. He moved closer, put his hands on Hux's shoulders and kissed his forehead.

 

“It's been a long month,” he said gently, rubbing up and down Hux's arms.

 

Hux exhaled shakily, grateful that Ben  _ understood, _ that he didn't push him to explain. “It has,” he agreed.

 

Ben kissed his cheek. “I did lie about one thing.” The other cheek. “I didn't drive all this way to see my family. I did it to see  _ you. _ Just you.” He continued kissing slowly and softly over Hux's face while his hands slid down to his waist and pulled him closer.

 

Hux's pulse quickened at the proximity, at the brushes of lips and the grip of hands after those long weeks without, at the familiar smell of Ben's cologne, and his warmth, and those words.

 

“Because,” Ben continued, “you're worth that. I'd drive ten times as far to be with you.”

 

“You don't always have to flirt, you know,” Hux teased, face heating. “We're already married.”

 

“Is that supposed to discourage me?”

 

Ben's lips were so close to his, all it took was Hux tipping his head just so and swaying forward to press his own to them. They were slightly chapped and cold but as plush and responsive as ever.

 

He kissed Ben softly but with a teasing tug to his bottom lip, an invitation Ben accepted eagerly. His arms circled Hux, hands clutching at him. Hux had never been so grateful for his clinginess. It was just what he needed right then.

 

“You look so good in that sweater,” Ben mumbled between kisses, and the last of Hux's walls crumbled down as he kissed his husband again and again and again.

 

Ben walked them backwards, gently pulling Hux with him, until his legs hit the edge of the mattress and he plopped down onto it, drawing Hux into his lap. Neither had to say what they were both thinking.  _ I missed you. I missed you so much. _ It was clear enough in their roaming hands, their desperate kisses, the way they couldn't pull away if they tried.

 

“Is this new?” Hux breathed when Ben began a trail of kisses along his jaw. Hux tugged the culprit - a soft dark red cashmere sweater - before sneaking his hands up under it and letting them wander. Even through Ben's undershirt he could feel the heat he gave off, the softness of his belly, the firmness of his chest.

 

“Mm. Yeah,” Ben answered distractedly, punctuated by a nibble to Hux's earlobe. “I had to get one. All I packed were t-shirts.”

 

“I like it. Red suits you…”

 

Ben hummed happily in response. When he started on Hux's neck, Hux all but melted against him. His hands left Ben's shirt so that he could bury his fingers in Ben's hair and grip just tight enough to elicit another hum, deeper, and Hux shuddered.

 

“We -  _ oh _ ,  _ that's good _ \- we should stop before we start doing what they all think we're doing…”

 

“That's no fun.”

 

“ _ Ben _ .”

 

“Okay, okay.” Ben pulled back a little, pouting. “I can't help it. I missed you.”

 

Hux smirked, feeling like himself again. He stood and pulled Ben to his feet but didn't let go of his hand. “There's always tonight.”

 

“Hmm, I don't know, I have a pretty important Skype call.”

 

Hux shook his head but laughed in spite of himself. Even acting exasperated with Ben felt so good.

 

“Have you eaten today?” Hux asked on their way down the stairs together, still hand-in-hand.

 

“Nothing that didn't come out of a vending machine.”

 

“Then food first, especially if you plan to participate in Rey’s drinking game. We have chips and dip, cheese and crackers, cookies…”

 

“Egg nog?”

 

“No, no egg nog. You're the only one who drinks it and we didn't know you were going to be here.”

 

“Oh well. I have something sweeter…” he kissed the back of Hux's hand.

 

“You  _ stop that.” _

 

*

 

After dinner Hux found himself on the couch once more, only this time with Ben. He was pleasantly full and had the slightest buzz from the wine. Everyone was chatting but to his relief no one expected replies from him, and so he was content to remain pressed against Ben's side, head resting on his shoulder, one arm draped across his stomach, listening to the rumble of his voice as he told his family about the tour so far.

 

He must have been so comfortable he drifted off, because the next thing he remembered was Ben saying his name, nudging his shoulder. When he opened his eyes he was met by the sight of his husband's fondly amused face.

 

“Sorry,” he said, “I would love to let you sleep but it's getting late.”

 

Hux sat up, yawned, stretched, rubbed out a little crick in his neck. “Mm...what time ‘sit?”

 

“Almost seven.”

 

It wasn't  _ late _ late, but knowing Ben had to be up early tomorrow Hux's heart sank a little, feeling like he'd wasted some of what little time they had.

 

“Before you worry,” Ben said quickly, “I was perfectly happy just having you there. Even asleep.”

 

Hux's face heated and it was no longer from the wine but from the way Ben was looking at him so tenderly. He quickly looked over his shoulder to see if they were being watched, but Rey and Techie had dozed off side by side in the armchair, and he could hear Han and Leia talking in the kitchen.

 

He turned back just as Ben reached out to touch his cheek.

 

“You've got an imprint on your face from my shirt,” he chuckled. “It looks like, I dunno, a weird rash or something.”

 

“Very romantic,” Hux deadpanned. “I didn't drool on you, did I?”

 

“Nah, that's my thing. Come on, let's go home.”

 

They opted to say goodbye to everyone rather than just sneak out, even if it meant waking Rey and Techie, who made them promise they'd all do something together once Ben was home for good. Leia sent them home with leftovers and a plate of cookies while Han not-so-subtly slipped some cash into Ben's coat pocket.

 

Ben drove them home. Hux forced himself not to drift off again in the car, telling Ben about work to keep himself awake and watching the play of light and shadow on Ben's features as he drove.

 

When they finally entered the apartment together Ben raised his eyebrows. “Wow. You did turn the heat up.”

 

“I was cold,” Hux said primly.

 

“No, I'm glad you did. It feels nice.”

 

Hux tugged Ben's coat off just before he swept into the living room, looking strangely eager. But as he looked around his face fell and Hux felt a jab of anxiety. Had he done something wrong?

 

“You didn't decorate?”

 

Hux finished hanging their coats up and nudging Ben's shoes into place beside his. He came to stand beside Ben in the living room.

 

“No, I didn't.” He paused, searching Ben's face. “I didn't see a point without you here.”

 

Ben met his eyes, surprised. “Oh. That's…” he looked around again. “I wouldn't if you were gone either,” he decided. Then he grinned. “But I do have an idea.”

 

Hux watched with mild curiosity as Ben turned on the television and scrolled until he found what he wanted.

 

“I can't believe they still do this thing. Dad used to put it on for us since we didn't have a fireplace.”

 

On the screen was video footage of a fire steadily burning in a stone fireplace. Above it the mantel was decorated with pine and a gold beaded garland, red stockings hung on either side. It cast a warm glow through the living room not unlike an actual fire would. In the background were the sounds of holiday music and the occasional crackle of a log. It looked like something pulled right off of a greeting card.

 

“I never knew there was such a thing,” Hux said.

 

“It's like having the decorations without all the mess, right?”

 

“And with the heat up this high it really feels like there's a fire going,” Hux added with a smile. “Too bad it doesn't come with mistletoe.”

 

Ben's face lit up in a way Hux knew all too well. That look always meant trouble.

 

“Don’t worry,” he assured, digging into his pocket. “I came prepared. Almost forgot I had this…”

 

“What? You - oh my god.”

 

Ben pulled out a slightly crumpled sprig of mistletoe and dangled it in the air between them, looking entirely unashamed.

 

Hux gaped. “You had that in your  _ pocket _ ?” He asked incredulously.

 

“Yep. It's tradition, isn't it?”

 

That  _ tradition  _ was Ben hanging mistletoe in every doorway in the apartment. Hux put up a halfhearted resistance to it every year and every year it went up anyway.

 

Hux sighed slowly, debating making up for lost time by resisting Ben's advances for a bit. Then in the distance he heard the bells of a nearby church ring eight o'clock and the fight left him all at once. By this time tomorrow morning Ben would be gone again. Hux had spent the month overworked and cold and lonely and all he wanted now was his husband.

 

He step closer, watching Ben's expression shift from hopeful to victorious. Rather than kiss him, though, Hux gently grasped Ben's sweater and tugged him toward the couch. He maneuvered Ben until Ben got the hint and sat down, gazing up at Hux curiously.

 

Hux nudged at Ben's legs until his thighs were far enough apart that Hux could sit between them. Ben watched with amusement as Hux arranged Ben just the way he wanted him - arms around his waist, legs snug on either side of Hux's hips, settled as far as he could go against the back of the couch so that Hux could lean against him like his own personal armchair.

 

“Why do you even have furniture?” Ben muttered fondly, closing his arms around Hux.

 

“Hush. You're much more comfortable. Now where were we…”

 

Hux turned in Ben's embrace, plucked the mistletoe from his fingers and dangled it above their heads. Ben didn't waste a second. His lips found Hux's, soft but insistent, and the mistletoe was quickly dropped and forgotten as Hux buried his fingers into Ben's hair.

 

Their kisses gradually slowed until it was just Ben mouthing gently at Hux's neck and Hux leaning into him with his eyes closed. If they had more time, more energy, maybe this would go further, maybe they'd end up in the bedroom. But right now this was all they needed: to feel each other close, to share the same space.

 

“You've been working too hard,” Ben observed quietly. “You're all tense here.”

 

Hux hummed noncommittally, shifted and settled his head against Ben's shoulder.

 

To his relief, Ben once again didn't push him. But his hand did come up to settle big and warm on the back of Hux's neck as he kneaded the tension away. His other hand he slipped between Hux's and Hux held it, stroking his thumb back and forth over Ben's wedding ring.

 

They sat like that in comfortable silence, enjoying the closeness. Gradually Hux relaxed, his body molding against his husband's. He felt warmer and calmer than he had in weeks. It would have been all too easy to fall asleep like this, but the thought that if that happened he may wake to a once again empty apartment kept him from dozing off.

 

“Five years,” he mused aloud, fiddling with Ben's ring. “Well, five and a half I suppose.”

 

“Five and a half  _ married _ ,” Ben replied. Hux could hear the smile in his voice. “Eleven together.”

 

Hux opened his eyes to look at Ben.  _ Eleven years _ . He seldom thought of it that way; their marriage seemed a more concrete, measurable thing than those uncertain early years, but Ben was right. They'd been together over a decade. He could no longer remember who he was before Ben.

 

“I never thought I'd make it this far with anyone,” Hux admitted.

 

Ben's hand slid down from Hux's neck to rub his back, slow and soothing. “Me either. I can't believe you put up with me this long.”

 

“Hmm, I know. A handsome man who makes me home cooked meals? Such a burden.”

 

Ben ducked his head and while the lighting from their faux fireplace was too dim to see the blush on his face, Hux knew it was there all the same.

 

“...so you're happy?” Ben asked quietly after a moment. He looked at Hux, dark eyes soft and questioning. “With me?”

 

“Of course I am,” Hux answered without hesitation. He'd never felt more sure of something in his life. “Are you?”

 

“Yeah,” Ben answered immediately. He nuzzled his face into Hux's hair. “Yeah, I am.”

 

The weeks apart, the dreary cold, the long days of hard work, the careless words of strangers all faded away then, and something settled in Hux's heart, warm and comforting like a favorite blanket. They were here together, as close as ever. No matter where life took them they always ended up right back here.

 

And if Ben was willing to drive out of his way just to make that happen, just to be with Hux, they didn't need to change a damn thing. 

 

Hux shifted again, turning over so he could tuck his face against Ben's neck. He really was becoming far too comfortable, at this rate Ben would have to carry him to bed…

 

“Don't fall asleep,” Ben said, as if he'd read his mind. He sounded drowsy himself. His arms were lazily draped around Hux's waist. “I still have to give you your gift.”

 

“Hmm?” Hux's eyes drifted shut. “But I thought this was my gift.”

 

“What?” He felt Ben turn his head like he was looking for something he didn't realize he'd given.

 

Hux lazily tapped Ben's chest. “You. Being here.”

 

There was a long pause, but Hux could feel every move Ben made, and the way he swallowed tightly and breathed out shakily spoke volumes.

 

Ben's arms tightened around him. A kiss was pressed to the top of his head.

 

“ _ Babe _ ,” Ben breathed right by his ear. “I love you  _ so much _ .”

 

By then Hux was too far gone to reply, but he knew Ben knew, and that was enough.

 

He woke only once, to the feeling of being tucked into bed. His mind wouldn't let him fall back asleep until Ben crawled in beside him. Hux rolled over onto him and drifted off to the steady thrum of Ben's heartbeat.

 

*

 

Somehow in the morning Ben's alarm didn't wake Hux, but the rustle of him changing across the room did. He was sprawled across the bed on his stomach covered in blankets. He felt pleasantly drowsy in that way where he knew he could easily fall back asleep, but he wouldn't, not yet.

 

“Mm...you weren't joking about  _ early _ ,” he mumbled into the pillow.

 

Ben succeeded in getting his arms and head through the right holes of his shirt in the dark and shuffled over. Hux felt the bed dip as he sat on the edge and a moment later there was a warm kiss to his temple.

 

“It's way too early. Go back to sleep.”

 

Hux made a noncommittal little noise that made Ben laugh softly. “Stubborn.” Another kiss. “I do have to go though. Pete's on his way over to get me.”

 

“Text me when you get there…”

 

“I will. I love you.”

 

“Love you too.”

 

Hux watched as Ben moved away but then paused in the doorway, hesitating. He didn't want to go.

 

“Oh, and Ben?”

 

Ben turned. “Yeah babe?”

 

“...see you next year.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!
> 
> tumblr: [frapandfurious](http://obsessions-and-dreams.tumblr.com/) | [squire](https://sinningsquire.tumblr.com/)
> 
> twitter: [squire](https://twitter.com/B_squire_C)


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